Congratulations, you made it halfway through the week! Sometimes making to Wednesday really feels like an accomplishment, am I right?! Today I want to chat about a bit of personal stuff. Can you all handle some of that?  Don’t worry, I promise to still tell you What I Ate Wednesday.

[A perfectly ripe banana at 5:15am. Sadly, wasn’t enough to get me through leg day without a major meltdown.]

I want to talk about anxiety. Actually I don’t. Because I hate talking about it, but I am going to anyways…

I’ve suffered from anxiety for my entire adult life, and even as a school kid through my teen years. No, I didn’t suffer a major traumatic event. Yes, I had an absolutely amazing childhood and family life. But despite that, I have still been plagued by spiraling thoughts of worry, self-doubt, guilt, panic, and sadness for almost as long as I can remember.

[Added some of Alchemy’s turmeric cashew milk to my green mango smoothie and it was un.freaking.real. So yum.]

Here’s the thing I think a lot of people don’t understand about chronic anxiety.  There isn’t always a “trigger”.  A lot of times there is, but a lot more it’s just a looming fear that hangs over your head like a cloud threatening rain [not to beat a dead metaphor, but it works].  Misplacing your passport 8 days before a vacation doesn’t cause chronic anxiety (but definitely some short-term panic!). But few weeks of constant anxiety can sure cloud your judgment and make you forget where you left the damn thing. See what I mean?

[So creamaaay. Oh and coffee, always coffee.]

Anxiety makes organized people messy. It makes bubbly people sluggish, outgoing people recluse, and strong people feel weak. No one is immune from anxiety. It can affect CEO’s, movie stars, frat boys, grandmothers, baristas, marathon runners, and anyone with a heartbeat.  It can last one week, one year, or an entire lifetime.

[After the gym meltdown, my incredible man packed my lunch for me while I got ready for work. Salad with all the fixin’s and leftover roasted purple sweet potatoes. Could he be any more perfect? I mean look at this. He labeled everything. I’m too lucky.]

What I want to make sure you all know, and the reason that I wanted to write about this, is that you don’t have to suffer alone. My absolute darkest days occurred when I hid how I felt from the people who cared. You’re not protecting them by putting on a happy face and pretending everything is fine. You’re not helping anyone by pushing people away. It’s one of the hardest lessons but one of the most important. Rely on someone.  Put your pride aside and ask for help. Whether it’s a counselor, coworker, friend, parent, roommate, bus driver, or hotline receptionist (800-442-HOPE), someone will listen. Someone cares. I care. I love you and want you to be happy. Email me if you EVER feel like you just need someone to talk to, .

[Some tummy tea to calm my seemingly-always angry tummy. Found it packed in my lunchbox because someone know me so well… Sigh…]

[Carrots and homemade hummus after work because I was hangry.]

Was that too heavy for a casual What I Ate Wednesday post?? I hope not. I just want to make sure everyone understands that it’s ok to feel bad. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Don’t let anyone trivialize your feelings. But then ask for help. Lean on others. Let it out. Release it.

[Dinner was some of the massive batch of chili we made this weekend with beans, quinoa, veggies, and tons of spice. Topped with a plant-based “cheese” sauce… Nom!]

I’m having a crummy week but I’m leaning on John when I need to and pushing through because it’s the only option. It does help that I’m only 6 days away from being in the Bahamas…   Sorry. That was cruel…